fear or not to fear

do they fear me...?

i have a kindda notorious reputation..which i was not sure how i got it.....

during my high school years..i was a sportsman...i just love..physical sports...i'm a very good rugby player playing the fly half...and being the un official leader of the team

i was the goal keeper of the soccer team...a good handball player.....and other things.... so when you are in an all male boarding school... you become...a very outstanding and popular student....but in my case in a negative way...

me on the right(overcoat)

because i'm a sports man...people think of me as a somewhat tough guy and some of the guys who are kind of a weakling..tend to be close to me so that they won't get bullied. well i hate seeing guys get bullied so....i keep most of them safe..... so my reputation build up from there. because i have some sort of"influence"...group started to form around me....other guys started to be close to me...creating a..gang.. and before you know it... people fear us... especially me..whom people assume to be the leader....  believe me...i never wanted that kind of reputation.

its not that i dont like it..and i'm kindda good at being a leader.... but this reputation will caused a great problem in my final year there....

and i will see the saddess face  from my father..

because i was considered the leader....other gang and teacher tend to target me...for whatever reason.. even though its a tough world..i tend to be able to come out right until... my final year....

i was a great delinquent ...i never get caught......but because i was targeted by so many people..... my downfall..will come from others....

one night...one of my underlings woke me up...and ask permission..to call some juniors that need to be "straighten" ... i gave the green light ..but somehow..things got out of control....and it became....a total beat up.....   i never lay a hand on any junior....ever...  because ..i could never fight someone who is weaker than me...it is bullying..my absolute..no no....

the next day.....i was called into the boardroom...were the teacher..gang up and beat me....no one was aware that i didn't do anything...but i guess as the leader...i was blame for it.

i was kick out of the most prestigious school in the country..because.of that...14 other guys....had similar fate   and on the way home(my dad pick me up).. i saw...my father's face.....it was a level 4....

he was sad.... and i was...sad....and scared..... sad  because i disappoint him.